Sorry for being so MIA lately. You know, there was a time when I stressed a lot about this blog - what to post, comparing my posts to others', wondering where (if anywhere) this blog might lead. Since we lost our baby, so much of that perspective has changed. The fact that I no longer freak out if I'm not getting X number of posts out per week is a good thing, but the down side is I leave you all in the lurch, and that makes me kinda sad.
I guess while I'm talking about it, well, I'll just talk about it. The loss of our baby girl, Lauren. We're doing OK. As good as can be expected, I guess. Grief is a journey, and we're certainly still on it, but life also keeps moving. Especially when you have another almost 5 and almost 2 year-old buzzing around.
I've been busying myself with our upcoming move to Rio - planning designs for as-yet unknown living quarters.
I've also been trying to lose the last five pounds of pregnancy weight. They say the last five are always the toughest. I can't even shed ONE much less FIVE. This stuff is holding on for dear life. I imagine if I had been able to breast feed, the baby weight would have come off like it did with my other children. And, it's not like you can read up on "What to Expect after Stillbirth." Stillbirth occurs in one in less than two hundred pregnancies, but no one talks about it. No one really researches it. Those of us who have experienced it are left to figure it out on our own. Instead of cuddling a newborn, we ride on the roller coaster of grief, hormones, and in my case, stringent expectations on my body to be "normal."
I saw a quote shortly after we lost Lauren that said in terms of grief - It doesn't get better, it just gets different. It's true. You don't really "get better" or "get over" losing a child, but you are certainly not the same. I'm just hoping that my different is somehow...better.Painting by Jenny of MFAMB - See her for all your abstract art desires!