Monday, March 8, 2010

MLHP does The Oscars: Fashion Recap

First thing's First...Did NO ONE tell Charlize the two rosettes tacked onto her dress bodice were like some sort of inter-communicado between worldwide members of the itty bitty titty committee? Soooo disappointed, as she usually smokes in anything she wears...
OK, now that I have that off my chest (ha ha on the pun!), we can begin what I'll call the Prego Ladies' Oscar Fashion Recap (aka Who's a tad bitter that they'd be able to wear exactly zero of these dresses, and look respectable Oscar recap)

Hands down, who rocked it in my book:
Kristen Stewart: ...And, this is SO not a Twitard thing - I think she looked amazing. Perhaps I'm just glad she was finally willing to glam it up Oscar style, but she looks simply beautiful - the inky color of the dress, the pleats and gathers that do her tomboy figure justice, the classic hair and spot-on makeup. She cleans up nicely.

The Nudist Colony
No surprises here, we knew there'd be a lot of fleshy/champagne frocks worn on the red carpet. For the most part, I thought they were a yawn...

Sandy Bullock:
PERFECT face and hair, but she could have done so much better on the dress. Although, I imagine this frock was prettier in person. My sense is she's "real" enough to not let her Oscar dress selection dictate her life in the weeks and months prior to the show - she probably just OK'd whatever her stylist selected. Still, I think she could've done better.

Kate Winslet: Classic, Elegant, Safe. SNOOZE.Meryl Streep: I don't really want to see a mature woman try to look like a teeny-bopper, so Meryl's elegant, ivory drapey number played perfect. She exudes confidence, which is always the most-flattering accessory.
Anna Kendrick: I don't think her dress could have more closely matched her skin, and the little lace trim up the leg slit is a nice detail, but otherwise, it was another ho-hum number. Lovely girl, homely, mop-head hair.
Good Nudes
Miley Cyrus: The bustier bodice keeps the dress age-appropriate, the crystalline skirting is not so full as to suggest a princess-in-a-ballgown, and her perfectly-imperfect hair pull it all together. Awesome. (Catty Comment: Miley, take some lessons from Morgan Freeman's babe back there behind you: Chest out, shoulders back. Good posture is key to pulling off a kick-ass dress)
Cameron Diaz: You have to admit, this is not a typical look for Cameron, what with the fuller silhouette, but I think she looks great - old school glamour. We all know she has a killer bod, so she doesn't have to wear something body-skimming to prove it.
Final Note on the The Nudes - Could the pale dress, bright lip combo BE any more gorgeous? I'm out to search new, candy lip colors TO-DAY!

The Color Guard
Gabourey Sidibe: You always hear about fashion designers frothing at the mouth to dress Oscar nominees. Can I just say, where was the love from said designers for the Best Actress nominee? I realize it may be challenging to dress a larger woman like Gabourey, but if Donna Karen can make Barbra Streisand look like a queen, then certainly something minus the prom dress-crystal applique look could have been whipped up. Don't you agree?
Zoey Saldana: From the waist up, this is a beautiful dress. From the waist down, it's a pinata.
Vera Farmiga: Striking color, but the ruffle overkill overwhelms her. To me, it's like an origami artist on roids.
Molly Ringwald: For a few years, it seemed Molly was sitting back on her Brat Pack royalties - living the life in France (can you blame her, really?), but girlfriend made those of us who came of age with her in all those teen-angst-and-love Hughes films proud. Stunning violet goddess dress complementing her ginger, and oh-so-French hair WITH interesting accessories. She's making me want to claim my mid-30s status!
Maggie Gylenhaal: Maybe she did, maybe she didn't (have some pre-Oscar work done) - I don't care. The printed silk amid a sea of solids made her stand out - in a good, almost irreverent way. Plus, the freakin' killer (non-matchy-matchy) emerald bracelet says, "I wear what makes me feel good." Good theory - it works.
Last Note: I limit my fashion critique to the ladies - I'm just a female chauvinist like that...
And finally, JLo, looking like my sister's "Crystal Barbie" circa 1986. So annoying. Ugh.

See, I warned you - When you can only fit into the fashion equivalent of a trash bag, the claws tend to come out. Pfit, pfit...meow! ;)

16 comments:

Jane said...

Love it. And agree with all your comments. Must be hard though - lots of sycophants telling you you look great and what looks good in mirror does not always on the red carpet standing in that posey position that they do. And you didn't mention Diane Kruger (weird pleated thing) and SJP (weird tubey thing and strange muscles in her cheeks) ......

All the way from Australia, we love the Oscar dresses and also bitching about them !!! . xoxo

Helena - A Diary of Lovely said...

ten looked amazing, and it's not a twitard thing either, Im not even a big fan of hers. But she did look great! And cameron Diaz was stunning!
Great recap Alison! i only had time to post some of my favs before rushing to work :S
How was your flight? Hope everything is great xoxo

Annie@A View On Design said...

I actually thought maybe Miley is crouching over because she's paranoid that the tiny bustier will allow something to "pop" out!

Shea said...

Love that you posted these again :) And Demi and Little Miss Twilight rocked it!

Lindsey said...

Ah, you make me proud...off the plane Saturday morning and re-cappin' Oscar style right on time! Loved it...no comments on SJP? So disappointed in Charlize. She's always STUNNING and that did NOT do it.

The Boese Family said...

HILARIOUS!!! That was the best Oscar fashion recap I have EVER seen! You had me cracking up with the 'pinata' and 'origami' comments -- among others. Thanks for the laughs. And don't go blaming it on your pregnancy -- you know you'd think those thoughts, pregnant or not. Hehe. :)

Bailey @ peppermintbliss said...

I am dying. Charlize just looked so dumpy and sad with her silly boob situation. And Charlize looking dumpy outside of an Oscar worthy role is just a little hard to process...
p.s. Robin THicke's prego wife wore a lovely orange number...that might cheer you up!

Linda at Lime in the Coconut! said...

Ha! Bring the claws out sister...You funny!!

Averill said...

Maggie was definitely my favorite -- I love her hot pink lipstick (and I want some, stat!).

Totally agree with everything you said. I'd also add Demi to the list of girls who got nude right.

my favorite and my best said...

your points are valid for sure. but i thought jlo looked beautiful and zoe saldana's dress made me wish i were in it.

LindsB said...

itty bitty titty committee!!! I'm DYING laughing at this- I have not heard this in ages!!

Raru said...

What a great post!!!
I agree with all your comments. My favorite is Kristen Stewart's choice :)))
Thank you and have a great day ;))

Susie @ Maddie's Nest said...

Love the recap....I did love SJP's chanel number....I think only she could pull it off!

Sarah said...

I agree with you on almost all. KS looked better than ever. Sandies hair, makeup, amazing.. All in all a fun fashion night.

Kate @ That's What Living Is To Me said...

I think my favorite was Rachel McAdams' dress. A large scale print, yet oh subdued.

Minnie said...

All so right on! I love Maggie Gyllenhall's dress. Love that it's not cookie cutter.