Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sadness

I try to keep this blog real, and in that vein, I feel I should share with you....

This week, we lost our Baby Girl.  I was 27+ weeks.
Saturday, she was moving like a little acrobat - normal for her.  Sunday, we spent the day busy doing projects around the house, so it wasn't until I was relaxing that evening that I realized I hadn't felt her move all day.  We did the usual things they tell you to do: pushed around on my belly, ate some chocolate, but we couldn't get her to move.  Monday, my midwife couldn't find a heartbeat, and an ultrasound confirmed our worst fear:  she was gone.

We had enjoyed such a normal, healthy pregnancy - no different than my previous two.  There was nothing to indicate a problem.  Even the last ultrasound showed a normal brain, spine, heart, placenta - everything looks perfect.  We are devastated and dumbfounded.  We may never know what happened.  
Right now, we are holding our other two precious girls even tighter, and doing our best to put our hearts in God's hands, trying to understand that our angel's mission was not of this world.

Right now, all I can think about is being with my family, and I ask you to please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

always,
alison

92 comments:

Susie Riley said...

Oh, Alison... I am so, so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and keeping you in my thoughts today. Be gentle with your heart while it heals.

Stephanie Hart said...

oh wow. i'm so sorry for your loss. definitely praying for you and your family.

Ashley @ A {Blonde's} DIY Life said...

Oh no! I am soo sorry for your loss! Your in my thoughts and prayers today!

Anonymous said...

So so sorry about your loss. Will keep you in my prayers. Life is so hard sometimes, but I know you'll be able to get through this terrible loss with the love of your family, friends and your faith in God.

Nomita

Sarah said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family during this time and always.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry for you loss Alison. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Robin Grey said...

I am so sorry. I've also lost a child before birth. There is no other sadness quite like it. Please know that you are not alone.

Jill GG (good life for less) said...

sweet baby girl is in heaven... but you know that and it doesn't always make it easier. Thinking of you and shedding some tears for you. big hugs.

Leslie said...

I'm so sorry, Alison. I can't imagine the devastation you must be feeling. I hope you can find some solace and comfort in prayer and in the love of your fanily. I will pray for your healing here in Texas.

Cricket said...

Nothing can come close to the exquisite pain you are in now, I know. I am praying for you and your family, that you will be granted grace and peace. So very sorry...

My Interior Life said...

Alison, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I'm crying as I write this. Please go be with your family, and you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Carla Aston said...

Oh no, I'm so very sorry. It is really hard to lose a baby. It's so good you have your family surrounding you at this time. Sending lots of love, Carla

JMW said...

Alison, I am so very sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Mrs. Limestone said...

My heart is hurting for you. I am so very sorry.

Carissa @ the Fabulous Design File said...

Oh no, Alison. I can't even imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My Notting Hill said...

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for yor loss. Sending you an embrace Alison. Michele

laura @ so alaurable said...

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

Kacey @ Shes.No.Martha said...

I don't feel like there is anything I can say to help, but that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very sorry.

Ciara said...

I am so very sorry. Your blog brings such brightness to so many-- I hope that you feel the collective love that is being sent to you and your family during your time of grief.

Darby said...

Alison, My heart is so heavy for you this morning. Please know that I am lifting you and your family up!! Many prayers!!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

Im so sorry for your loss. Praying for peace and healing for your family and that sweet baby girl.

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

oh alison, my heart just broke for you. i am so so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kerry said...

Alison, I am so sorry! My heart is breaking for you! Your family is in my thoughts! xx

Angela said...

My heart and prayers go to your family. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've suffered a miscarriage before so I understand at least a little bit the ache your heart must be feeling. I wish I had some magic words to share that would alleviate some of your pain, but they don't exist. My wish instead is that you find comfort and healing through your loved ones and in knowing that there are even strangers out there thinking of you :)

Erin said...

my heart goes out to you all. i know you are hurting.

Erin

Bailey said...

Alison, I am so sad to hear this. You were so kind to me when we were going through our tough time and know if there is anything I can do for you, let me know. In the mean time we will keep you in our prayers and I will squeeze Gracie extra close tonight. Much much much love to you all.

chimere7 said...

This is the first day I have looked at your blog. I happen to be a NICU nurse & am so sorry to hear your news. No words can really comfort you, but I'll be praying too.

corine said...

Dear Alison, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss.

xoxo

corine

New York Muhtari said...

My heart goes out to you. I am so so sorry for your loss.

I will pray for your and your baby.

Kim@Chattafabulous said...

Alison, so saddened to hear of this tragedy. I pray that you will find comfort in your family and feel God's presence during this sad time.

Sarah (Matters of Style) said...

Oh Alison, my heart is breaking for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

The Southern Lady said...

Alison, my prayers are with you and your sweet family. May God guide you through this time.

The Shade Shop, Inc. said...

So heartbreaking....so little we can do but offer our hearts full of caring and love during this sad time for you!

Julie said...

I am so sorry for your heartbreak.

withywindle said...

Alison I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.

Amelia @ House Pretty said...

I can't imagine what you and your family are going through, but my heart is hurting for you and you're in my thoughts.

momof3 said...

So sorry for your loss. My twin sister had multiple miscarriages after 2 healthy births and it was discovered that she, and I, have a blood disorder called factor 5 leiden. It causes an abnormal amount of blood clotting which can in effect kill the fetus and is not routinely tested for. With this diagnosis she was able to take daily shots and have a 3rd healthy child as was I. If you choose to have another child, I urge you to have your ob/gyn do a blood test for this disorder as it is easily treated with daily blood thinners. It may save you future miscarriages. Good luck to you and you are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

{{hugs}} to you during this sad time. You're in my thoughts and prayers ...

Erika said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Allison Hasel said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you and your family at this time!

Jenna @ Homeslice said...

So sorry Alison.

Amy C said...

Oh no, my heart dropped as I started to read the first few sentences of this post. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

anita said...

Alison,
I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss.
Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way and a big hug as well.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Love, Anita

Chedva @Rooms and Words said...

So sorry about your loss, Alison. I'm thinking about you. Hugs.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Full House said...

Alison my heart feels so sad for you and what you are dealing with. It is not an easy thing to go through and I hope that through all of this you will be able to feel some peace. Praying for you.

xx - Christina

Ingrid said...

I am so very sorry for you horrible loss. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. May God surround you with his Angels and bring you some peace during this horrible time. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Sandy, Sisters of Season said...

God bless you and your family. Prayers of comfort and love are sent your way. Sandy

Naomi@DesignManifest said...

Alison, I'm so so sorry to hear this. Such a difficult loss. Big hugs to you and know that you have support all over the world coming at ya.

Take your time healing. xoxo

SooGee said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. i also have had 2 healthy pregnancies & had a miscarriage on my third. that IS the hardest thing, not knowing what happened. but really trusting in God and finding comfort in Him helped me + family support. although I don't know you, you'll be in my thought & prayer.

Rae said...

Lots of love during this tough time. I am so sorry for your loss.

Kelly Maeker said...

Alison and Ben, we are so deeply sorry to hear this heart-breaking news. You and your family are in our prayers.

Kelly and Allen

Desert Dreaming said...

I haven't been on here the last several weeks for I lost my little brother (42) to a senseless murder, all I wanted around me was my family. I can honestly say I know what you are feeling. I lost two babies many years ago. My heart breaks for you, but with God's love, and time, it does get better, you will never forget, but I do promise, the hurt you are feeling right now, will hurt so much less in time. Hold tight to your family, and know, even us that have never met you, are praying for you. May God Bless you and guide you through this sad time.

Joni

Becki said...

You don't know me, but I follow your blog rather religiously. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Jen Jen Qld said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. Be strong.

Blair said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Braxton and Yancey said...

Oh my heart breaks for you and your family. Our thoughts are with you...God bless.

Diane James Home said...

How truly sad for you and your family, Alison and I echo all of the previous thoughts and prayers. You are so couragious to be shring this will all of us and an inspiration in your strength.

La Maison Boheme said...

Oh sweet mama. I cannot come up with the words to express my deepest sympathy and healing wishes. I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I'm sending love, peace, grace and quiet healing to you and your precious family.

Yours,
Sarah Greenman

TupeloLove said...

Alison, I am so sorry. My friend directed me to your blog. I, too, lost my baby boy in June. I was 25 weeks and his heart just simply stopped beating. Everything about him was perfect, we have no idea why this happened, or how. He was my first baby, so this has been overwhelmingly painful and devastating to me and to my husband. I know your pain, your grief, and the monumental loss that this is to you and your family. It's extremely difficult, but please know I am here if you would like to talk. My husband and I were fortunate to have a strong organization in my city (Charlotte) that specifically works with those who have lost children, and I can't emphasize enough how much it helped us work our way through the suffocating grief. I don't know what sort of resources are available where you are, so please don't hestitate to reach out to me if you would like. My email is mollyblivingstone@gmail.com.
-Molly

LindsB said...

I am so so so sorry for your loss! I cant imagine the pain of losing a child and my heart just breaks to pieces for you. Please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts alot in the coming week and that HUGE hugs are being sent all the way to Brazil from Boston! xoxoxox

Bri@Meyouandawiener said...

Just came back from blog vacation and I read this, not what I expected. :( I don't even know what to say, so sorry girl. So sorry.

Julia said...

So sorry to hear this news. I will pray for healing and peace for you and your family.

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

Oh Alison. There just are no words. My heart breaks for your family...and I give you the warmest hug from afar. Hold onto your family now. Let others help and hold you.

In peace...in love...

Mary Catherine said...

Oh, Alison! I am soo sorry for your heartbraking loss. You never know what God has in store for you. Put your faith in Him and the love from your family will help you get through your sadness. Praying for you!

Miss Rubio said...

I stumbled upon your blog just now and my heart dropped as I read this. You and your family are definitely in my thoughts.

Fio said...

So sorry about your baby girl. I enjoy your blog and stop by often. I'm so sad for you.

Anonymous said...

Have dropped in to read your blog for years, but have never left a comment until today. Very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

Jennie Jones said...

My heart breaks for you, Alison. I absolutely cannot imagine. I pray that you've found peace and comfort in knowing that so many people out there are praying for you- hang in there sweet girl!!

xoxo,
Jennie

Ivy Clad said...

Alison,

I have just found your blog, googling for some interior design images. I am a new follower and want you to know I am so sorry for your terrible loss. A few words here can't possibly touch the pain you must feel. Take good care of yourself and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

-Keri

Bold and Beautiful said...

Alison,

I am so very sorry to read about your loss and I know this is a hard time for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Shannon

Paloma {La Dolce Vita} said...

Alison, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family. Big hugs!

Sbuckley said...

I am very sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Susan

LaurenFaythe said...

I have no words to say except I am so sorry for your loss.

God Bless-
Sue

Jaye said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that words cannot heal your pain, but just know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Sandra DK said...

Dear Alison, I have no words to say how sorry I am for your loss! i am sure she was intended for greater things and so the sky has a new and bright star! She will keep an eye on you and the girls from now on...! much love!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to read this. My baby daughter lived for two weeks. We thought that the pregnancy was normal. I am sorry for your loss.

A Perfect Gray said...

alison, so, so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. please know we are thinking of you with all our love...donna

bluehydrangea said...

Alison,
I have been so behind in my blog reading and just found out about the loss of your baby girl. I am so truly sad and heartbroken for you. I know at 27 weeks you felt like you were home free so it must seem even more unfair. Thankfully you have your precious family to help you through this difficult journey. Sending you a big hug and prayers. XO Sissy

Anna said...

Alison, My heart is heavy for you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through but be confident that God has a plan for your family. Time will reveal what other amazing things He has in store. Prayers for healing, peace, and strength at this difficult time.

Anna

Nessa said...

Praying for you and your family.

AshburnMom said...

I am so, so sorry. I don't know what anyone could say at a time like this that could help. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Take care.

{edie} said...

So very sorry for you friend. THoughts, hugs and many prayers.
xo,
edie

Michelle said...

I am sorry, I wish there was something I could say that would make your heart hurt less. It will get better, and I will pray for you to heal, and for your family.

{Hi Sugarplum!} said...

ohmygosh -- I am so sorry to read this, my heart goes out to you and your family.

christine {bijouandboheme} said...

Oh sweet Alison- I'm just seeing this now and am so deeply sorry for your loss. I've lost pregnancies and it's just so absolutely devastating...and to be so far along...my heart is breaking for you. Sending love and so many hugs your way. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Only just read about your sad loss, Alison and am deeply touched. I am sorry that you had to go through it at 27 weeks! However, I read that everyone's thoughts & prayers are keeping you and your family up and I am glad...
I believe we all have a specific mission in life and as you say, your little angel completed hers in only 27 weeks and is surely somewhere nice & warm.
Lots of good wishes going your way from Spain!
Soledad

nkp said...

Alison, may you find solace in the warm embrace of your beautiful family. My most sincere condolences for the loss of your sweet, sweet girl. I know there are no words that can quell your sorry, but I hope your family can find peace.

Much love-nelya

SHERRY HART said...

Nothing I can say to make it better but that I am truly sorry for your loss.

Pink Wallpaper said...

alison, i am soooooo sorry about your precious baby girl. my heart breaks for you and your family. i feel terrible that i haven't seen this until now. sending you a huge hug. Shannon

Charlene said...

I just came across your blog today for the first time. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter. How heartbreaking. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.